In The Grand Scheme of Things...

In the grand scheme of things, this is probably not that big of a deal but it's causing me a lot of frustration at this moment and I thought I would try to "write" it out of myself.

I'm sitting in my office one day before Christmas eve and my almost weeklong vacation from work and I am having the same feeling I have had at this time of year for most most of my semi-adult to adult life. It's a feeling in the pit of my stomach that says how will I get it all done. And that feeling gives birth to frustration and displeasure with myself. I am not frustrated or displeased with myself often, in fact my feelings for myself are usualy quite opposite from the ones I am feeling today. Why do I always procrastinate and why must I always be disorganized. I have brief shining moments that I can look back on and think, "wow I was really organized for that event." But most of the time I consider my life a "beautiful disaster." Disaster because it's mass choas...and beautiful because even in the midst of chaos there's something distinctly "me" about it, and I do appreciate my uniqueness.

Anyway it all started this morning as I drove the hour to Springfield for those few last minute gifts. Of course when I got to the store, they were all out of what I was there for and since I had no back up plan I floundered around for a while before heading back home, and to my office, without the intended present or anything to take its place. I headed into my office knowing that I needed to assemble all my receipts and such to be reimbursed and paid out of this year's budget. I've known this was coming. I knew I was going to STL for Christmas. I knew the 2005 would come to an end. I knew I wouldn't be in the office, and that my treasurer and I would likely have to communicate through notes and such to get everything paid out of the proper budget line item and on time. But did I plan ahead for this....no...my receipts are strewn across my office like they exploded from some type of land mine. Of course some of them were electronic receipts in my email inbox, one of which seems to have mysteriously disappeared from its place there. I'm missing two from walmart (which is pretty good considering I had like 400 I could have lost and only 2 of them are missing) I now have to try to organize all of this crumpled paper into some sort of sense for the sweet woman who volunteers to do our church finances...and I am really upset that I can't find everything I need...that my stuff isn't organized. How does this always happen. Whenever I have a vacation coming up, there are always things that need to happen before I leave, and I never quite get them done the way I know I could have because I don't allow enough time. Is this something I will grow out of...I don't know.

I need a personal assistant to organize my life and keep it that way...any takers???