I'm still here...

I know it might seem that way, but I haven't fallen off the face of the earth!

I moved to Chicago...started a new job, and am trying to get all my stuff set up in my new environment. I'm hoping to start blogging soon. Life seems to be a bit more exciting these days so stay tuned. There might be some good stories coming your way!

Dinner with a Pastor

I had dinner with our soon to be new pastor and his wife the other day.

It was good. Dinner and the converstation. Perhaps we will enjoy working together too!

To be slandered...

The new pastor of our congregation came to visit the church last weekend and tonight I heard through the grapevine that someone went up to him and told him that I was trouble and that someone should do something about me. He had to ask someone if there was a problem with me and my position at the church.

I'm upset that someone lied about me. I'm upset that someone tried to ruin my reputation with him. I'm upset that he even had to think for a second about having problems working with me.

I know I'm a bit of a handful. I know I have opinions about how things should happen sometimes...but I'm also willing to acknowledge my faults and the places where I've messed up. The combination of these things usually make me fairly easy to get along with but for some reason there is someone in my congregation who seems determined to spread false reports about me to my new colleague.

Luckily there was someone at my church who stuck for me and told the new pastor that I am a hard worker and am doing my best as a DCO. I'm grateful that someone spoke up on my behalf. It's nice to have people on your side.

end rant---

Update...

I haven't really posted much in the last month and for that I apologize. I figured I'd give you just a small update. I recently received a call to a church right outside of Chicago. The call process always stresses me out a bit...mostly because it means I have to make a decision and it sort of makes me feel like I'm going to disappoint someone, and that's always hard for me. I visited the church and knew that it wasn't the next place I would be serving God. The people were nice, and the idea of being in Chicago was great...but it just wasn't right. So I declined the call and am still in Kimberling City. There's a lot of excitement here right now...we've just recently met the man who is going to be our next pastor after the current one retires. So a time of transition is coming, which I know means patience will be required. If you know me, you know this won't be easy...but it will be exciting.

Also...since our trip to Haiti has officially been postponed to November, Linds and I have decided we couldn't wait that long and are taking a vacation to Haiti in June. We're trying to decide where we're going to serve while we're there and looking for some opportunities to open up. I'm so excited to be going back to Haiti...I really do miss it when I'm gone. I've been taking Creole lessons and have the vocabulary of a 5 year old! I'm not great, but at least I have some of the tools to communicate while I'm there. Someday I'll be fluent...I won't give up.

Last night I did something I haven't done in a while. I got home late from youth group. After youth group ended I spent the next hour and half driving kids home. I only put 70 miles on my car this wednesday...so it's not too bad considering some weeks I drive 120 miles to pick up kids and bring them home...but I want them here so you do what you have to do to get them here. Anyway...I digress. Last night I got home and ran. not far, and not long but I ran. When I was done I turned on the TV. I hardly ever watch TV anymore...I wonder why I even pay for cable. But I watched a movie that was on. This movie started at 10pm. I had read the book that the movie was adapted from and I had seen the movie but for some reason I couldn't remember what happened so I stayed up and watched the whole thing...it didn't end until 1...meaning that I watched 3 straight hours of TV...unreal.

that's about all for now folks...I'll try to be better about posting, and I'll try to be better about finding things that are interesting to write about.

Holy Cow...

A Little Manic...

I realize that last night when I wrote my blog I was incredibly tired and possibly a little on the manic side. I thought about removing it and then decided not to. It was legitimately where my emotions were when I wrote, so I decided to leave it.

After sleeping and taking some time to think through the current situation in a country that I love so much, I feel like I can write a little more coherently. The past week has brought about a million ups and downs on the world stage. I have paid attention to none of them as much as I have to the riots in Haiti. For those of you who are unaware of what's been going on the past week, take a minute to read the news on Haiti. (you can find it by going to google and typing in Haiti) Riots have broken out around the country in response the rising food costs. Over the past 6 months to a year the cost of food has risen at least 40% and some reports are saying that it's been closer to 50%. This becomes difficult when 80% of the population lives on less than $2 a day and 50% of the population lives in abject poverty meaning that they make less than $1 a day. Considering that food prices in Haiti are now comparable to food prices in America (and in some cases even more expensive) it becomes easier to see why so many people are struggling to make ends meet and can't find ways to feed themselves and their families.

When it became a possibility and then a reality that we would not be going to Haiti this week because of the civil unrest, I was sad. I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my American friends I was supposed to be travelling with. I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my Haitian friends that three months ago I hadn't said goodbye to when I left their country because I knew I would be coming back. I was sad because people were suffering. I was sad that I wouldn't see Judie, the girl I sponsor with Compassion International. Then I became angry. I can eat (and arguably probably do it too much). I can go to target and spend 50 dollars and not really even flinch. (althought I can't do it that often) I can fill up my tank at a gas pump even though it now costs me $3.26 to do so. Rising prices have affected my life...but they haven't really changed the way I live. I'm angry at myself for not doing more to help people who are suffering. I'm angry that I don't have more information about what's going on in Haiti. I'm frustrated that I can't think of a great way to help. I'm angry that I have no control. I want to fix it.

I still have no answers. All i know is that there are great organizations that are making a difference. Organizations like Compassion International (www.compassion.com) and the Haiti Mission Project (www.haitimissionproject.org). I'm so proud of the people that I was supposed to be going on this trip with. Their outlook and dedication to helping suffering people humbles me and helps me to love the world around me better.

I apologize for the somewhat crazy tone in my last blog, but I really do mean it. I urge you to consider your life. I'm not saying that you should save the world. I'm not saying that you should give up the way of life that you have. I just ask you to consider how you can help the people around you that are suffering, whether they are in Haiti or elsewhere. I truly believe that we live in community with one another, and it is a global community. The way we choose to live impacts the lives of others. It's a pretty amazing thought.

Today I'm praying for Haiti.

We Have to do something....


If you've been following the news you may know that people in Haiti are rioting over the quick and high rise in food prices. Many people are unable to afford food.

People are literally starving.

We have to do something.

I wish I had a plan...a great plan to ask you all to join me in. At this point I don't. I was supposed to travel to Haiti tomorrow but because of the unrest we are unable to go.

If you want to know more, go to google and type in haiti...check the news links. There are tons of articles. If you want to help, here are some options that I know of right now. I'll let you know when I come up with more.

www.compassion.com
You can sponsor a child in haiti (there's a link on the side of my blog)

www.haitimissionproject.org
You can check on the website and see how to donate. This is the organization that I am most affiliated with. We'll make sure the money goes to help feed people if that's what you want to do with it.

www.kiva.org
You can help with microfinancing...not in haiti, but in other countries, and possibly keep them from being in the same situation.


There are more...I'll let you know. Please stand with me. Today I had three meals...and a snack. I am well fed as I get ready for bed...odds are you might be too. Tonight there are people who feel as if their stomach is being eaten by battery acid (that's how some haitians explain the feeling) and it's because they cannot afford the food. Please help if you can.

I wish...

I understood life...the older I get, the more I realize, I have a lot to learn!

I learned a lot in the past week...

Here are just a few things I've learned in the last week:

1. I hate taxes.
2. I'm still a sucker for romantic comedies.
3. If I practice enough I can play someone else's flute almost as well as my own.
4. I might actually learn to speak Creole someday
5. If given a night off, I still don't do the dishes, so I can no longer blame the dirty dishes on my busy schedule.
6. Eyesight really does get worse as we get older
7. When you don't run for 4 months, the first time back on the treadmill is not enjoyable.
8. A Starbucks gift card puts a HUGE smile on my face
9. Going weeks without talking to friends is not acceptable
10.The tax "break" I'm supposed to get is actually a tax "break my bank" (see #1)

Tolerance and Compassion...

I read an article this morning.

I read a similar one the other day. It's a story of how poor hungry people in Haiti are eating dirt because they cannot afford to eat real food. You can read the article here

On my various trips to Haiti I have never seen this first hand, but I have heard of the rising food costs and I have seen how those costs have affected the many people in that little part of the world. What my heart is responding to this morning though is not the pictures of little kids eating little piles of dirt mixed with shortening and salt for breakast. (although it does break my heart.) What compelled me to write this morning were the comments listed under this. I love that we live in a land where we can say what we want...freedom of speech is a beautiful thing...but I was ashamed of my fellow countrymen. What echoed through many of the comments was an utter lack of compassion for a people who could use a little good old fashion love.

I feel like the world sees us like the spoiled child who is given whatever they want whenever they want it. A child that goes through life with a total disregard for the people around them. Perhaps that is what we are...I believe though that we have something to offer, more to offer than the image we sometimes portray to the rest of the world...if only we would open our eyes.

In this country tolerance is preached. In America we fight for the right to pray in school. We fight for the right to end abortion. We fight for the right to choose abortion. We fight for the right to get a better tax break. We fight for same sex unions, fuel efficiency, green living, and so much more. (Bob barker just gave 1 million dollars to a college in Springfield so they can start an Aminal Rights program...can you imagine how many PEOPLE could be helped with those resources...not that I'm a huge advocate of just handing out money. I know bunnies and penguins are important to the circle of life and all, but what about PEOPLE) In America we fight for our rights, and yet we often neglect the fight when it comes to the poor and underprivileged. The number of people who will die today because they cannot afford to eat is staggering. Do we really care? What about compassion, why aren't we teaching kids compassion in the 2nd grade. How do we help them to love their neighbor. Is it something that can be taught? Of course, I'm a Christian, so loving your neighbor becomes a pretty big thing. And it's true that the goal of my life is to share the Gospel so that others will be become Christian...but I think a little compassion could be spread across the board to believers and non-believers alike. I don't know if we can teach compassion...but I'm pretty sure we can show people what it looks like.

Maybe if we all just tried a little bit of "compassion" on...we might just see that it fits.

Jr. High Girls: Keeping it real...

Yesterday I was meeting with a group of girls at the Junior High. Most of these girls have been meeting with me for two years...we're comfortable with each other.

One girl is in the middle of pouring out her heart to the whole table and another girl raises her hand. Thinking that she had something great to add to the conversation, I call on her.

and she says,

"Apparently the medicine I'm on gives me gas. I'm sorry if you hear something. It shouldn't smell though."

great.

Confession: I am a hypocrite...

Lately I have been so frustrated with church culture. I've been following the presidential primaries and cringe almost every time I hear the media refer to the "evangelical christian conservatives." I think I'm an Evangelical Christian, in the sense that I follow Jesus and seek to spread His message of salvation, and morally conservative, but the idea of being put into that category sometimes rubs me the wrong way.

Then as I drive down the street I see huge church buildings where people pile into the parking lot and pews each Sunday to drink designer coffee and listen to a sermon that entertains them a bit and sing songs to music lead by people playing expensive instruments, only to leave the building and not notice the people in the world around them...the people that God has called them to love.

Babies are dying all around the world, entire cultures are being wiped out by fighting and disease. This is happening while we sit in committee meetings and decide how much money we should spend on the new carpet, and complain about how people don't give enough money to church.

I get frustrated...

Then I step back and realize that on most days I am just the same...the person I'm really frustrated with is myself. I am the person who walks into my middle class/white american congregation, sit through worship and walk my way through the rest of my week trying to meet deadlines, stick to schedule, and not go crazy. Most times the weeks slip by without me having any regard for my neighbor. Not only am I a sinner who forgets what God has called her to, but I'm a hypocrite...

I guess that's why I'm thankful for the season of Lent. I am reminded of my sin daily and during this time I reflect on that sinfulness and I look forward to Christ's death and resurrection. I remember that Jesus came because of my sin and hypocrisy and his blood washes over me and makes me whole...I remember that God has claimed me as his child...He takes my sin and hypocrisy and changes them into something beautiful and lovely. I am new.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, as I journey through Lent, I'm going to try to judge less, and follow Christ more.

A Picture to Share...

On my recent trip to Hait I got to meet the child I sponsor with Compassion International! Meet Judie....



She's absolutely adorable and it was great to spend the day with her. I think you can tell from the pictures that she and I both have an element of "sassiness" that we're working with! I love this kid!!! I don't have many pictures to share because I was the crazy person who left all her memory cards back in St. Louis, so I'm waiting on copies of Joanna's pictures, but she sent me this one in an email!

For a little over two years I have been sponsoring Judie through Compassion International. We've written letters back and forth but up until a couple weeks ago we had never met. She lives in Haiti and has recently moved to a place that is a lot closer to where I am when I travel there, so it was possible for me to meet her this year.

In case you didn't know Compassion International "exists as a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults." They are serving over 900,000 people in 24 different countries. They really do a great job caring for the whole person. I love being a part of this organization.

You can read more about the organization at www.compassion.com. Their words are better than mine!

Like I said in my last blog, I'm trying to live my life knowing that the choices I make, not only affect me, but many other people. Compassion is just one of the ways that I choose to give back, and I wanted to share a picture from my trip with you...hope you enjoy!

If you're interested in giving 32 dollars a month to sponsor a child you can click on the link below, or you can click on the link in the side margin of my blog...or just email me, and I'll help get you set up!

Click Here to Sponsor a Child!

Changing the World...

I've always known that I wanted to change the world. When I was growing up, it took the form of feeling like I wanted to be written about in History books. I thought I would go to some great college and get a high powered job that would give me access to the world, and the opportunity to change it for good.

In my bedroom at my parents home there is a charicature of me on the wall. It was done the night that I graduated from high school. I sat down and the man asked me what I was going to do with my life after high school. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I was going to save the world. The picture is a loose adaptation of me in a superhero costume flying with the world in my hand.

It's been almost 9 years since that night. I went to college, got a pretty good education, and set out on life. I've been working in churches for 6 years, sometimes seeing results, and sometimes seeing little return for my effort...sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm making a difference at all.

I recently returned from another trip from Haiti. I took a week of vacation to go and hang out there and spend more time trying to experience the culture. It was truly amazing. I'm a highly relational person, so to spend time with people and let them know I love them is a pretty huge deal for me. I met the child I sponsor with Compassion International...we hung out at her house, saw her compassion project and went out for lunch. It was a great day. But there were other parts of the trip that were hard to process. Yes, things seem to be getting better there...but there are still many children who are dying from preventable causes. Women are still having more children than they can care for. Orphanages are operating at capacity, wondering where they'll get the money to pay for food for the next month. Children are being thrown in the garbage. And I wonder if what we're doing is enough....if what I'M doing is enough. Does it make a difference?

One of the many blessings of the trip was meeting my new friend Miquette. Miquette grew up in one of the really poor vilages of Haiti. Two of her siblings died from malnutrition, and two of her siblings and a niece were given to an orphanage and later adopted by a family in the USA and another in Canada. The family that adopted Miquette's sister and niece were living in America and years later got back in touch with Miquette's family. When the father met Miquette, he asked her if she wanted to come have a year of high school in America. Of course she accepted and came to America knowing no English and began living in a culture very foreign from her own. 6 years later she graduated with a 4 year nursing degree from an American college. She is now back in Haiti working to build a hospital in a town that has none, and has her own non-profit that is sending many children to school each year!

As she told this story I sat across from her with my jaw dropped...This was truly the type of story you would read in a book, and I was sitting across the table from her, the woman who had lived it. Amazing. She reminded me of this story...

Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he came up to the person he said, "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said, "It made a difference to that one!"

So as I go about life...I still feel the desire to make a difference in this world. I don't want to be a person who goes about selfishly living her life, when I have more than enough to survive. I want to make a difference...but I'm beginning to see that you make a difference one person at a time...one church member, one youth, one family living in poverty, one child...one at a time. I have taken responsibility and realize that the way I live, impacts the lives of others. Today I choose to make a difference...the question is, will you join me? Perhaps you already have!