A Year Ago...

I think I have blogged alot about how much my life has changed in a year...but today I'm particularly reflective on that thought.

A year ago today was Easter Sunday. I love Easter Sunday. What an amazing celebration to have as we remember (and claim for ourselves) Christ's ressurection. Usually Easter for me is filled with waking up super early and worshipping at as many church services as you can imagine then going home with family to eat an amazing meal and enjoy some wonderful wine...and of course there are the pickled eggs that my family always tries to make me eat (I have only ever eaten one and that was becuase they paid me 40 dollars!)

But last Easter was different. My family couldn't come visit me becuase my Grandmother was very sick. So instead I went to church...called home a few times...and spent the day with the Greigs, the most amazing surroget family a girl could ask for. I had an amazing meal, even had a glass or two of wine...and played games with people I loved very much.

The next morning I woke to the sound of the doorbell. I went downstairs and it was John and Kim. They asked me to come over for breakfast...so I did. Of course when I got there my parents called to tell me that my grandmother had passed away in the night. While I was sleeping, my parents and brother were with my grandmother as she closed her eyes on this world and entered eternity with Jesus.

I still don't have the words to describe what I was feeling in that moment...sadness, hurt, joy, pain...guilt.

Of course I knew I had to go home...I had to be with my family. John, Kim, Becky and Amber were all there with me as I made the last minute preparations to get to St. Louis. The next night I sat around my kitchen table with Jacob, Gretal and my parents. I missed my grandma. I still miss her.

It's been a year. I still dream about her. I can still smell her on the things that once were her's, but now belong to me. I can still feel her hand squeezing my leg, saying she wished she had some of "that." I can still hear her telling me it's entirely too dangerous to do this or that. I imagine she'd be excited that the cardinals were into spring training. And I can still imagine her on the other end of the phone line telling me how proud she was of me...how much she loved me, and how I should keep praying.

I'm thankful that I had almost 25 years with her...