Right now...

I am sad. That is all.

I gave it away...

Tonight I had a meeting/Bible study with some people in my area that I do community youth outreach with. For the second week in a row there is one girl who hasn't had a Bible with her. I happened to have an extra pocket Bible out in my car so I went out and grabbed it for her to use. At the end of the night, I asked her if she needed a Bible because she could have mine if she wanted it.

She opened the front of the Bible and I realized it was one that I had had for quite some time. In the front of it was my name written in little Rachel's handwriting, and "Grace Chapel Sunday School" was written in the "Presented By" section.

I'd forgotten that at one time I had gotten that Bible for perfect attendance at Sunday School. I was proud of it. I had tried hard to be at Sunday School every week and that Bible had been my reward. Tonight I gave it away. I won't lie. It does make me a little sad that I won't be able to look at my scribbled name, but I can't think of anything I could have done with that book that would have been better. I hope that book is as much a reward to her as it was to me so many years ago.

Last night I realized...

the fullness of the town I live in. If you know me, it's no secret that I prefer the city. I like the speed, the buildings, the people, and sometimes I even like the concrete (although don't get me wrong...I do love communing with Mother Nature!)

But last night it hit me full force...this is where I live...in the midst of people who have little in common with me...whose lives are sooo different from mine...and who actually like hanging out at the local bar.

The evening started like this. The Cardinals were playing, and since I LOVE the Cardinals, I decided I would be watching the game...not to mention that it's kind of an important time in Baseball and all! The unfortunate part was that due to other obligations I wouldn't be able to watch the beginning of the game, but I figured that I would still be able to catch the 4th inning on...so I made plans with my friend Aubrey to go and watch the game at a bar that is midway between our houses.

This bar was down the street from where I live....If you want to get a feel for the type of establishment it is, they actually have a lounge singer during dinner time, and their salad bar consists of iceberg lettuce and little more. It's kind of sad. But downstairs is a pretty decent sized bar (with HORRIBLE chairs) and they have a big screen television.

I got there before Aubrey and went in. I sat down at the bar and the girl behind the bar walks over. She looked interesting to say the least with her Colts hat on sideways. I order a beverage and it takes her a while. She's too busy fighting back and forth with some of the costumers and randomly making out with some guy. She finally gets me the drink. The Jukebox is playing music about 50 notches louder than it needs to be...it was beyond annoying. Throughout the evening it switched back and forth between Metalica, country music, and sappy Chicago and Jounrney songs...the other girl behind the bar kept going over and playing more music all evening...I wanted to break her legs.

There were people playing pool...most a few of them quite drunk...and one pair of guys looks like Mut and Jeff. There was the tall lanky African American man (which in itself is amazing since my town is overrun with white folk) and his friend was a short white guy with a nasty long goatee type thing and a tatoo of Green Eggs and Ham on his arm. Who tattoos Green eggs and ham on their arm????

There was another Cardinals fan in the room who bragged to me that not only did he have a home down in the Ozarks but also one in Pontoon Beach across the River from STL. I'm sure they're both very nice homes....

The fact that the Cardinals totally lost didn't do anything to make me feel better...and by the time we were ready to leave, I was beginning to feel pretty sad that this was the company I was keeping. I don't mean to judge and I'm trying not to...but wow...those people at the bar were living their normal life...go to the bar on Sunday night...let the jukebox blow out your eyes...drink until you can't walk...make out with random people...and drive a big truck. I guess that's ok (well some of it anyway) but it's just not me. I want to go to a book store. I want to see theater that doesn't involve old country stars. I want to meet people who care about world issues and actually know what the washington page controversy is!

But...this is my life. At least it's interesting! I'm going to Springfield tonight to watch the game...

Today is the Day...

It's official. Today I claim 26 years of life. It's kinda crazy. 26 years...that means 26 birthdays. For those of you who know me (and I'm pretty sure you all do) you know that I absolutely adore my birthday. I love celebrating and there's still something very magical for me about my birthday. It makes me want to dress a little cuter, smile a little bit more, and most definitely wear fabulous shoes!

As I look back on my life (which some people say is only just beginning) I feel like I've done, and am doing, pretty good for myself. I am a successful (whatever that means!) single woman, who is more than happy with who she is and lives life with a smile on her face and a laugh in her voice. I know I'm not perfect, but who wants to be perfect...it seems so boring. I think my flaws are part of what makes me...me.

It's been a good 26 years, and I bet the next 26 will be pretty amazing too...I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I'm pretty sure being me, there will be at least some adventure and few crazy stories to tell along the way, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Since today is my birthday, I've been thinking of the good times of birthdays gone by, so if you'd like, please feel free to take a trip down memory lane with me.

Some of my earliest birthday memories involved the joint family birthday parties for me and my brother. Our birthdays are less than a month away...often I would get more than one party for my birhtday...the family party, the school party, and the party for me and my friends...maybe that's why I still feel the need to celebrate for an extended period of time when this day rolls around.

I remember having a cake once that looked like a doll. It was so neat.

I remember slumber parties...lots of slumber parties when Marti, Ingrid, Katie, Cindy, Melissa and the gang all ended up at my house. We usually got into some kind of trouble...there was the one year that someone overflowed the toilet and to this day my parents still don't believe it wasn't me! Then there were the years that we pulled the bed mattress out of my room and put on the counter and roll down it into the family room.

Then there was the surprise costume party my mom and dad threw for me...and they got me the flapper costume and it was Awesome!

There was the birthday trip to NYC, and seeing tons of plays with my parents, tavern on the green, the New York Athletic club, and the cute guy that worked with dad's colleagues out in NYC.

College birthdays were fun...that's when Mel sent me my pool boy, and the infamous blow up doll entered the scene. His name was Antoine...too funny!

Then there was trip to MI sophmore year with Rachel and Danielle...oh man there were enough laughs that weekend to last a lifetime, and I got to travel 12 hours in the Big Blue Van all decorated for the birthday and spend time with the waller family who more and more feel like they are truly my family...

Then the last yearof college is when the tradition of Birthday Wings entered the scene thanks to Laura. That was the year I turned 21. Gruber, Danielle and Laura took me to a little pub in St. Paul where we toasted in my birthday at midnight, and the next day we had the pancake breakfast at the house and people all over campus kept walking up to me and telling me happy birthday and giving me flowers becuas my friends set it up that way...AND that was the year that Christus Choir started singing to me as soon as I walked into Chapel! Then the trip to IA to see camp friends and Julie Brown sang the Birthday song, and Keith played the song he had written, which to this day is about the nicest, coolest thing anyone has ever said about me and done for me. I'm also pretty sure that's when I got my speeding ticket in the middle of no where trying to visit Steff.

Then the North Carolina Birthdays began...with Ann and Martha laughing at me for wearing the wings. Danielle had all the friends send TONS of B-day cards. The Greig Family always made my birthday special! And I will never forget the night we went to the Martini Bar for my birthday and the random guy become our best friend and Becky left a way too big tip! And the time that Charles played "Happy Birthday" to me as the organ postlude after a Sunday service!!!

Then last year my mom came down and we went to Eureka Springs and the "pizza escapades." That's when I learned what it really means to live in the Ozarks...and Aubrey and I will never forget snaggletooth who wanted to celebrate my birhtday with us so badly!

And this year has been pretty fabulous already. My parents came down to visit...just in time to come with me to the 80s party! (Pics to come soon) My cool new roomate and Aubrey took me to lunch at the hard luck diner where Laura and her friends sang to me, and made a bit of a fuss over the birthday...and tonight I think I will just hang out with some good friends.

Writing all of this down reminds me what a great life I really do have. I have been so blessed with the people around me, and I really do cherish each and every one of you. My life would not be as full without you and I know that God has chosen to bless me with you all! Thanks for loving me...thanks for taking this life journey with me, and I hope that as the years roll by we will have amazing experiences piling up one after another...each of them showing us a little bit more of how great and abundant life is!

Hello Friends...

Well I figured I would take this opportunity to give you all a little update on my life. Nothing too new and exciting, but it's been a while.

I've pretty much been the only person in my office for the past two days and I'm getting sick of answering the phones, which seals it for me, I will never be a secretary.

I've been pretty busy with work stuff, lots of youth activities and other stuff going on around here. Last week I even had to get up two days in a row at 5:30 in the morning in order to be at morning youth functions. I thought that youth leaders never had to get up before 9...but I apparently I am wrong! : )

I have a new roommate. Her name is Valerie and she is an Americorp worker. She moved in last Thursday and things are going pretty well...granted we haven't even lived together for a week yet, but we have both decided that watching Parental Control on MTV pretty exciting. It's a really ridiculous show but I can't lie, I get sucked into it! Great now my dating life is being lived vicariously through hormonal teenagers whose parents hate their current significant (or insignificant) others.

My birthday is a week from today. In one week I will be 26. I'm trying to think of the things I should do before I turn 26, but nothing is really coming up...so I'm open to suggestions!

Well that's about it. I'm off to work!

I Feel Fall...

Today when I woke up it was cool. It was the first real cool day that we've had here in SW Missouri. It feels good to have my favorite brown sweater on, and I love that I'm sitting here in my office listening to great music, drinking some good coffee, and working on next year's plans.

I love fall, but it makes me miss my friends. It makes me want to go horseback riding and pick apples. It makes me want to smell the smell of bonfires and drink apple cider. I want to bake a pie, and hang out with my roommates from the ghetto house on Dayton!

I don't know what it is about this season but for some reaons it makes me all nostalgic. Fall was always a time of new beginnings. I miss that part of fall, the new school year, the new friends, sports, clothes, possibilities... Maybe I just need to be more creative in my life and make some new beginnings for myself!

This Makes Me Smile






Godson Noah at 1....who and where will you be when you're grown???

Godson Noah...

Godson Noah turns 1 on Saturday. I am leaving right now...like as soon as I finish this post...and I am driving to MN for the fabulous occasion...I can't wait to see my lovely friends!

Look out Minnesota, here I come!!

Just some nonsense...

I don't really have anything spectacular to write about today. I just felt like writing. Maybe it's the gray weather, or the slow morning.

This morning I woke up early, because my dog was up and barking for no reason. This is strange behavior from an animal that usually looks at me like I am crazy when my alarm goes off at 8am. But for some reason, Lucy was up early and barking...

It's funny the things you're able to do in the morning when you wake up early...like shower and get ready without having to run around like a crazy person, which is what happens most mornings for me. One of the things I enjoy most about mornings with time is coffee. I cannot express to you how much I adore drinking coffee...yes I know it will turn my teeth yellow, and yes I know caffeine is not spectacularly good for you, and I know that it will stunt my growth and I will never be 5 foot 9 like I always thought I would be. But I don't care, the all around good feeling that I get when I drink the coffee and smell the aroma is something I can't match with anything else.

So I was in the office by 8:15 and drinking coffee at my incredibly messy desk. I know I ought to clean it, but to be honest, I'm just not in the mood. I want to get my schedule worked out. I want to write some goals for next year. I need to get organized (which if you know me, is no small task!)

That's all I've got for today everyone...just a bit of nonsense. But that's just me.

Why am I addicted???

Why am I so addicted to Project Runway. Seriously! I can't get enough of it. I've had it on my television since I got home. Granted I haven't been watching tv since I got home, but even hearing it is exciting for me. There's a new episode on tonight and I'm pretty stinking excited about it!

Tonight I am actually hanging out at home, hanging out by myself, and enjoying a little downtime. I can't remeber the last time I did this. It's been a while, and I'm not going to lie...it feels good.

I'm gonna read, run on the treadmill, and then watch the new Project Runway...and then lay my little relaxed head down to sleep! : )

I couldn't be happier!

What's the Verdict???

Myspace and the kids in my youth group...If they're posting stuff about alcohol and party and junk (even if in all likelihood they aren't drinking or partying...well some are, some are just writing it to be cool)...do I call them out on myspace with a message or try to talk them in person or what....

your input is greatly appreciated...

It's one of those mornings...

I just don't know where to begin. I have all my last VBS stuff to deal with, my house is a disaster (and I have a group of vbs volunteers staying at my house for the week.) Most of my materials still have not showed up, I'm sick of making decorations, and I'm pretty tired. On top of it all, I'm supposed to go out with some friends tonight and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to cancel.

So I'm sitting at my desk and I'm trying to get my junk in order, and I just am not feeling it today. I feel like I just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Yesterday I was entirely productive...but today just doesn't feel like it's going to pan out that way. I'm thinking I may go get some coffee from the good coffee place up the road. That'll kick me into high gear.

And I Cried...

You're not allowed to laugh at me.

The past few days have been a crazy, busy, hectic, exciting, group of days. Last thursday I left for STL to visit my family. I love spending time with my parents. I think the older I get, the more I like being around them. My dad's birthday was Thursday so we went out for dinner at a great Italian restaurant on the Hill. It was so good. My mom and dad and friend Cheryl made for a fun, interesting evening. You may have heard about the storms that hit the STL area and how a ton of people in the area were without power. My parents' home was one of the places without electricity, which meant that my parents, dog andI all slept in the basement of the house trying desperately to find the coolest place in the house. I'll never forget the night of my dad's 51st birthday, because I believe it is the only night my parents and I have had a slumber party. It was definitely memorable!

On Friday I got to hang out with my grandparents in the morning. We went to breakfast hoping to find a place that had air conditioning since they too had spent the night in the heat. We went to an IHOP...I won't lie, it was kinda ghetto. There were over 30 people on the list in front of me when I put our names on there. My grandparents arrived after me and not even 10 minutes after they arrived another storm hit and the electricity at IHOP went out too...chaos ensued!

We decided to stay and get whatever breakfast we could. All of us ate eggs, bacon, and milk, because that's all they could give us with the power outage. It was another memory I will hold for forever.

After hanging out with my grandparents whom I love very much, I went down to Barnes hospital to visit with my friend Cheryl and her mom Jane. Jane had a bone marrow transplant becuase she has cancer and I wanted to be able to be a support to my friend and her family at that time. It was my primary reason for going to St. Louis that weekend. I was surprised to see Jane looking amazingly well. We hung out at the hospital most of the day. It was nice to sit around and talk with my friend and her mom. I joked that I would spend the night there since they had air conditioning. I got to wear a surgical mask....if you think about it, say a prayer for Jane. She is an amazingly brave woman and I pray for her healing every day.

My parents came and picked Cheryl and I up and took us for dinner at another amazing Italian restaurant. (one of the things I miss most about STL are the amazing Italian restaurants.....sigh) We had pizza and talked for quite some time. I always forget how much I love having Cheryl as a friend until we spend time together. She is aboslutely amazing, and so fun to be around.

The next day I hung out at the hospital again. It was good...again. Then I returned home.

I have been working like crazy because VBS starts in less than week...which leads me to the title of this blog. Yesterday was a long day for me. I didn't leave work until after 12:30...in the morning! It was a long day and this morning I had to wake up early so I could leave the house by 7 to get to a meeting that I had out of town. I didn't get back to my house until 6:45 this evening. I am tired. I am worn out. And to make matters even worse I have been waiting on a box full of VBS supplies that I orderd almost a month ago.

Today I finally got an email about them saying that they had been returned to the company and the money was refunded to me...WHAT????? So I tracked my package of supplies and found out that somehow they thought I had given them an insufficient address...so I checked that too. I hadn't messed anything up...THEY HAD....so I called the company. A nice man answered the phone and told me that they had shipped it to the wrong place. He asked me if I wanted to place the order with him again...and I started to cry. I don't cry in front of people...not very often. But this man had to listen to me boo hoo to him about my VBS supplies. He was so nice. He replaced the order and had it shipped express without charging me...so I guess the crying might have actually been benificial..I just hope my stuff shows up!!!

That's not the worse part though...after I got done with the VBS stuff I decided to run on the treadmill...have a glass of wine and get ready for bed...while I was running I put in the movie Honey. I don't know if you have seen it...it's not meant to be a tear jerker...but after running I sat down to watch the movie and at the end I started to cry. Not just a few loose tears but a full on sob. I felt slightly ridiculous...just slightly. Who crys at honey???? I think I am just overly tired...which is why at this point I am going to say, "Don't Judge ME" and go to bed!

love.

Frustration of the Day...

I can't ecxactly pinpoint it, but for some reason I am just frustrated today. I am sitting at my desk, with my happy mood lamps on, actually accomplishing things, and yet I feel extremely frustrated. I can't tell you exactly why it is either.

Today is my dad's birthday and I am going to St. Louis this evening to see him for the special occasion, but it's only 1:30, and I want to leave now...unfortunately there is work that I should probably keep working on for a bit more before I hop in the car. The idea of driving for 4 hours isn't too terribly exciting to me, but I suppose it'll be good to clear my head.

I think most of my frustration is stemming from ministry type stuff at this time. There are so many things that I want to do and I want to see happen, but I am at the point at the new church where I'm no longer new and people aren't going to do things just because they want to do things for me, and I don't know how to help them capture my heart, God's heart, for the people in our community. I guess it's just one of those things that take time. I've always felt like I was one of those people that had an excitement about the things I care about that seems to be contagious to those around me...but I don't know if that's the case anymore...or at least where I'm at. I guess it's just time for me to be more intentional about sitting down with people and sharing my life, and my heart with them.

I just wish people saw that church and their relationship with God and the body of Christ is so much more than going through the motions on Sunday morning.

ok...enough of me jabbering on about frustration. Chin up...

I'm off to work...and then STL.

mlegh...

VBS may be the end of me.

I don't want no scrub...

So the scrubs aren't terribly attractive, and yet somehow I think we managed to look pretty stinkin cute!

I never thought I'd miss....

I never thought I'd miss Minnesota, but I do. It might have something to do with the fact that I just spent an amazing week up in the Twin Cities at a conference where I learned more than I thought I would, and got to spend a lot of time with some of my favorite people.

That's my beautiful Godson, Noah. Wednesday was his mom's birthday, so Lindsey and I took Noah out on a date to the Olive Garden! It was so fun getting to hang out with Noah when there weren't a gazillion people around and I could get to know him. He has an amazing personality and he loves to laugh. He's happy and that makes me happy!!!

The conference I went to started on Thursday. I got to present for one of the modules with my friend Jill who graduated with me. It was fun to be in front of a group of people that included some of the people who taught us in college, and some of the people we graduated with. I also went to a section about church planting, and ministry to different cultures. I just gotta say that God was totally speaking to my heart and helping me to figure out some stuff that I have been praying about. My heart really did ache when I heard people talking about ministry in the city. I love the city. I miss the city. I feel called to the city. But at the same time, I know that my call isn't to a city right now and God just opened my eyes and showed me that there are exciting things about ministry right where I'm at, so I'm looking forward to seeing where some of those things might lead me.

Friday night Dani and Lindsey and I went out to celebrate Dani's birthday.

I forget how much I just like to sit around and talk with these girls. They are amazing women who make me a better person just by being around them.

Saturday night was Dani's birthday party. Since she's kinda addicted to Grey's Anatomy, the party was a Grey's theme and we were all supposed to wear scrubs, except for the ones that came from the thrift store that Linds and I got ours from were GINORMOUS!!!! I was in a bit of a crabby mood for because I had to wear the scrubs that looked ridiculous, so we started joking around about it. I figured since there was so much extra room in the pants I might as well make it look like my butt was bigger, so I stuff some stuff down my pants. I realize how absolutely ridiculous that sounds, but at the moment it seemed like a good idea! So I got a few shirts to make my butt look bigger. Then Lindsey decided she would help us to laugh a little bit more...and she got a full size pillow and put it in her pants. It was HILARIOUS. I thought I would pee my pants I was laughing so hard. So I had her put the pillow in my pants too...(this story does not make us sound very cool, but I assure you, at the time it was so funny...you would have laughed and asked if you could stuff the pillow in your pants too!)

We decided we should take our new booty gear with us to the party to let Danielle see how funny we are! Sunday I went to church at Woodbury where Linds works and it was great to be there. I hung out with the friends a little bit more on Sunday night and then work up and drove hom this morning at 4:30. Needless to say. I am pretty tired. But the trip was fun and well worth the fatigue I am feeling right now!

It is official. I miss Minnesota.

Livin la vida Branson...

Well July has been crazy busy. I've been running in and out of town for youth trips, vacation, conferences and the like. I feel like I have hardly been at home at all. Life has been good though. Work has been productive, vacation was AMAZING (thanks John and Kim!) and I'm leaving tomorrow for Minnesota which I'm sure will be lovely because I get to stay with Lindsey and hang out with the Tietjens.

The only thing I can think of to complain about right now is Branson...dear goodness. Apparently in the past two weeks everyone and their 4 brothers have decided to come down to the good old Ozarks and take in the local culture. This is great and all, but it means I have to sit in TONS of traffic if I want to go just about anywhere. I had to cancel a meeting the other day because there was no way everyone would be able to get to the restaurant we were meeting at because the traffic was so bad. I know that everyone has to deal with traffic at one time or another, but the problem is, when they planned out this city, they made sure there were only two lane roads, that you can't pass on, and you have to take if you want to be able to get to your desitination. There are few short cuts that actually make things shorter...

It almost makes me wish it was January. But when I get cranky about traffic, I remember that I live on a beautiful lake and I get to go swim whenever I want...and that seems to make everything better.

Peter Pan and Tennis...

What do these two things have in common...well not a whole heck of a lot, except for the fact that these were the things that occupied my evening.

Tonight I picked up my racket and played tennis for the first time in way over a year. It was a lot of fun. I didn't stink as bad as I thought I would (don't get me wrong, I wasn't spectacular by any means, but still it could have been way worse.) By the end of the second set I had a couple pretty nice hits...I think if I could get my serves down a little better I'd be a worthy opponent.

When I got home, I had my house all to myself, so I decided to totally veg out on the couch and watch a movie. My roommates have a copy of the Peter Pan movie that came out a couple years ago and since I had never seen it I decided to give it a go. Wow...it was so good. I just kept thinking that it captured the story quite well. Anyway, it was well worth my time.

So all in all I must say that this evening was rather enjoyable for me. Having said that, if anyone happens to be swinging through my area and wants to take me on in a little tennis match, you just give me a hollar!!!

I haven't been in the mood...

I just haven't been in the mood to write lately. That's strange for me. Usually I can sit down and write about almost anything. It's easy for me. But lately the words don't seem to come. It's not that there hasn't been anything going on in my life. I have been pretty busy since I got back from Haiti. There's lots to be done with work, and it's summer and that means more people want to go play!

I've had some pretty crazy moments in the past week that would be worth recounting here, but the thing I think I am going to talk about right now is NPR.

I am a complete NPR junkie. I listen to it whenever I am in the car...unless other people are with me who can't tolerate talk radio. When NPR is on one of it's music times and I'm not feeling the classical, I usually turn the station to the Jim Rome show. I don't know what it is about Talk Radio...but it's definitely something I am into. I find this funny because my father used to listen to talk radio all the time and when he would pick me up from school or practice or something I would always be upset that he was listening to talk radio. I found it so boring back in the day. I think I will have to give credit to Keith Williams, my ceramics professor in college for reintroducing NPR into my life. It was always on in the clay studio and I learned to love listening to the news of the day, and interviews of random people.

Anyway I guess all I'm saying is that if you don't already listen to NPR...you should give it a try. You just might like it.